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Of all zhe things _______ 'as to by it 'as to be l'angleterre's flag. He thought heatedly, Que les moutons stupides noir. Je suis beaucoup plus beau que lui.--mon Dieu!

"Francis... Um, are you alright? You came swooping into the room, caught sight of that shirt and you've just stood there...It's starting to get slightly unnerving..."

You heard a sharp exhale of air, him shooting you his trademark "I'm-still-incredibly-gorgeous-even-when-I-glare" look (named by himself, naturally) across the kitchen. He drew his attention back to the offending article of clothing, currently folded on top of your kitchen counter.  

Sighing, you decided it was better not to pay too much attention to the overly-dramatic Frenchman, which, after spending two years living with not only himself but his two friends had become a relatively easy feat. Still, you couldn't help but think to yourself as you leant against the kitchen counter top what was getting his French knickers in a twist. Did he realised that when he looked at you like that he looked more like a petulant child than a twenty-six year old? But then, you had come to learn that he was like a child at times. Living with a egotistical Prussian and a Spaniard that struggled to read social situations probably didn't help.

It was only a present from Arthur. It had long since become a tradition of his that he would bring you something back from London when he visited Parliament. Last time it was some expensive tea he had found in Soho. This time, a fashionable top with a Union Jack design from a boutique.

"l'angleterre." He eventually said; or, more accurately, breathed with disdain.

And he was still staring at that shirt.

"Congratulations Poirot, you have solved the mystery." You deadpanned, picking up the shirt,  "It is indeed a gift from Arthur. Now do you mind telling me why you've been trying to glare holes into it for the past ten minutes?"

He said nothing. You noticed it though, and even then it was so subtle that anyone who didn't spend time with Francis would never have noticed. His body weight had shifted to the other foot, his eyes, which normally had a constant come-to-bed look plastered on them at all times were softly focused on your own [e/c] ones... And did you just see the ghost of a blush on his cheeks?

...Oh! That's why, you thought wryly.

What an absolute, idiotic -

" -For Rome's sake Francis it's not like I'm pledging my undying devotion to Arthur because I'm wearing the flag of a country he just so happens to represent!"

"It is an outrage!" He exclaimed, arms thrown up emphatically. "It is like 'e is claiming ownership of you mon cher! Probably as some sort of slight towards moi." He gave an exacerbated sigh, pushing back locks of golden hair from his face. "'onestly, ma chérie - Sometimes I wish you didn't spend so much time wizh 'im..."

You glowered at him sharply, "Oh Francis, stop acting so jealous."

"-Escuse moi?" He growled, disgust that you would ever suggest such a thing evident on his face.

"Jealous, Francis." You repeated, " That's what it is about, isn't it? This stupid rivalry you have with him. He's my friend Francis! Platonic and nothing more. You can be such a child at times Francis... Honestly. Does that mean if I bought a shirt with a French flag on it it'll automatically give you permission to jump my -"

You stopped dead when you  realised that somewhere in your rant he had closed the distance between you. In fact, if he took any more steps forward you might as well have been sitting on the counter. Slowly, as you looked up, you were met with the sight of his mouth, no longer an infuriated frown but what had twisted into a sensual smirk. And with his arms placed either side of you, you was effectively trapped in his advance.

It was then you realised exactly what you had been just talking about.

- Did I honestly just say that to Francis of all people? You say something remotely suggestive and he's like a cat in heat.

"...If zhat's all it takes ma belle rose zhen I will buy you a thousand shirts." He drawled, his hands snaking seamlessly from the counter tops to around your neck and waist, pulling you closer to him.  

Correction, several cats.

"--Francis! Get off!" You yelled, wiggling hopelessly under his embrace.

You knew he was grinning like a Cheshire cat at this point - you could feel it against your neck, his warm breath sending little electrical sensations down your body, making you overly aware of the effect he was having on you. It was far too distracting for your liking. So much so, in fact, that you hadn't realised when exactly he had taken the shirt from your grip and thrown it on the floor.  

" ...Je suis un amour beaucoup mieux que l'Angleterre est. Donne-moi une nuit. Je vais vous montrer comment passionné les Français sont vraiment ..." He purred, placing butterfly kisses along the base of your neck. It took all your self control to stop yourself from moaning at his ministrations, particularly when he started nipping and biting and that one sensitive spot on your neck.

" Je veux que vous crier mon nom, encore et encore, ma belle ______."

He  makes it so difficult to argue with him when he does this...

And when he spoke French, that alone could strip away layers of your resolve and you knew that whatever he was saying, well, it had to be good.

His is the country of love after all, you heard your libido purr.

- No _______! I can't let him snake around me this easily, you thought with determination. He wants to get all hot and bothered to distract me, I'll give him a taste of his own medicine.  

Slowly, and with as much allure as you could summon, you moved to lean into his ear, a playful smirk gracing your lips as you whispered, "...You know Francis, my new shirt might be British..."

Your voice was husky, dripping with a  sensuality that had captured his attention completely.

"~Mmm." He breathed in acknowledgement, revelling in the feel of your warm breath against his ear, the way your hands had trailed up his chest and were playing with the buttons on his shirt.

"...But my underwear is undoubtedly French."

What happened next? Well, Francis didn't really understand.  

Your hands, which had been trailing the exposed skin of his chest were suddenly braced against him, exerting enough force to push him back.  And his sudden relinquished hold had not only left him bereft of your lavishing attentions, but you had completely eluded him, picked up the discarded shirt in the process.

He stared at you, stunning blue eyes glazed over with a mixture of lust and confusion.

"~ Au revoir, Francis." You smirked, blowing him a kiss with mocking imitation of him.

And then you raced out the door.

"---WAIT! WAIT! MON CHER, _______! attendez! Je suis désolé! JE VEUX VOIR CETTE SOUS-VETEMENTS, ATTENDEZ!"


Okay, so I feel that France doesn't get nearly enough love in this fandom so here is a small contribution for my joint favourite character (next to England).

I have no idea where this idea came from, but it is loosely a rehash of a story I wrote many months ago for another fandom. I'm not so sure if this is mature. If it is, let me know so I can put a warning on it.

Oh, and I have absolutely no idea if any of the French is right. Can'tfaultgoogletransalte.

As always, comments, critique and ideas are always welcome. ★
Add a Comment:
Bunnygoblin Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2015
I wish i knew what he said in the fick.
Sk8rchic2000 Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Several Cats
PrussiasKitten Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
The French is right! Man, talk about an interesting turn of events... Making Francy-pants chase after moi!?!? that was just too great!
MineUntilTheEnd Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2014  Student Photographer
Don't worry, the French is right. Nice ending I might add.
Zazzyleey Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
*running away from him* You're not gonna see ittt~
LoZGamer316 Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Ahh thank goodness for Google translate! Yes I know it rarely gives you the correct translation but oh well bunneh icon17 
DocileGloom Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2014  Student General Artist
I was hoping when I published this story eventually someone French would just give me the proper translation aha!
Plus, I like putting stuff in another language in because it gives my readers something to find out (:
WorldHetalia1551 Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Your French was good. I understood it all. The ending! XD
Tenshi-Vampyr Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hehe this was so funny 
oh and I guess you could am substitute poirot for vidocq, I'm almost sure he was the French Sherlock or something like that :3
awesome story 
DocileGloom Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank you (:
Tenshi-Vampyr Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome *reading again the story *
Embrey-Mayern Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
wait watBig Fool Emoji-1 (Pervy) [V2] 
Rebeccaesque Featured By Owner May 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hilarious, this is! I totally laughed when France was all jealous. XD Good job :)
AllAroundNerd Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2014
Oshaco Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2014
Oh my gosh this is AMAZING! XD
LittleRobin870 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Student General Artist
Poor France, he didn't see the underwear...or did he? :iconpervyfranceplz:
Floridadaawesome Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2013
Shit, that....0/////////////////0 why?! Why no lovin? 
pirate-kitty1220 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013
OMG. The last line.....Francis I can't believe you! 
Well, I guess I can....noting the circumstances XD 
peapod1281 Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Student Artist
France: :iconpervyfranceplz:
Dutchnyn Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Hahaaaaa! Poirot is a Belgian!!! But anyway, I love this one^^
Kimono-chimera Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I was just going to say that, but you beat me to it.  OMG I love Agatha Christie.
Dutchnyn Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
She had made amazing stories!!
DocileGloom Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Student General Artist
I didn't actually know that! I thought he was French :') My bad.
Dutchnyn Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Doesn't matter ;-) He came from the French-speaking part.
OtakuGirl14 Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2013  Student Digital Artist
You Want Me Come And Get Me
alligatorsky6199 Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
That was awesome before I translated it!! That last line is so funny!!!!
Billie-san Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2013
pffffftlol, the end was so adorable and funny, love it so much ~~~ :squee:
xXArtimisXx Featured By Owner May 15, 2013  Student General Artist
What in the world is he saying?
Cocospaces Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2013
He said that he's a lot better in bed than Arthur... XD GOOGLE TRANSLATE~!
xXArtimisXx Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2013  Student General Artist
O////O Jeez Francis... That's embarrassing...
moot3100 Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Poor France, he didn't see the underwear...or did he? :iconpervyfranceplz:
SavieRox Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
lol, this was pretty good read, i really enjoyed
it because if i were in that situation i would actually
act like that.

and u kn most of the other self inserts have
the guy as the dom doing all the flirting and
stuff like that. so its really nice to read the
opposite (whenever i stumble across them)
DocileGloom Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2013  Student General Artist
thanks! I actually agree, there's not really enough RIs where the reader is the more dominant one. I've always wanted to write more but I always feel I'd be making the reader come across as a bit of a whore /:
SavieRox Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
i can understand that, its a
pretty fine line for some people
but i would really love to read
more from you, so if u do end
up writing more send me a link
or something and ill defiantly
read em
Seyweld Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013
It was really nice to read, even if the french is wrong.
DocileGloom Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Student General Artist
Well I never studied French so I had to rely on Google translate, so that's understandable.
Would you mind giving the correct translations?
Seyweld Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013
Here they are :

"-Escuse moi?" --> "Excuse-moi ?"
"Je suis un amour beaucoup mieux que l'Angleterre est." --> "Je suis un bien meilleur amant qu'Angleterre."
"Je vais vous montrer comment passionné les Français sont vraiment" --> "Je vais te montrer à quel point les frança sont passionnés"
"Je veux que vous crier mon nom" --> "Je veux que tu cries mon nom"
"MON CHER, _______! attendez! Je suis désolé! JE VEUX VOIR CETTE SOUS-VETEMENTS, ATTENDEZ!" -->"Ma chère_______! Attends! Je suis désolé! Je veux voir ces sous vêtements! Attends!"
If you want some help with french translation, you can ask me. Honononon~
aibi0608 Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013  Student
=w= dude i feel so sorry for you

but the shirt was really nice =3= courtesy of england >w<b

ya got thumbs up
DocileGloom Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013  Student General Artist
Feel sorry for me?
aibi0608 Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013  Student
well you and francis :3c
DocileGloom Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2013  Student General Artist
I'm confused :') What do you mean by 'me'?
Katniss-HP-Twilight Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013
*fistpump* HUZZAH! I got revenge! ahahaha hee :3 this was fun to read~~
DocileGloom Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Student General Artist
Glad you liked it (:
murrayb Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student General Artist
DocileGloom Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student General Artist
Sorry (: It's only going to be a one-shot. I was tempted at one point to do another one-shot based around this sort of AU with France if that's any consolation?
murrayb Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student General Artist
skating-wally Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013
lol oh my gosh france really? :iconpervyfranceplz:
FMAandKHfangirl Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Student Filmographer
Llabomination Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Absolutely Brilliant ^^
shihachii Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
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